Planes,Trains and Plantains!

don't quote me on that...

on cusp at hospice
You can't spell "Determination" without "Termination" and likewise you can't spell "Lick" without a tongue (you need it to make the 'L' sound). What is the point of it all? Well I'm glad you asked, you see there really is no point just a gratuitous amount of really blunt edges...I think it is quite evident that my jokes lack the ability to remain afloat much like myself. That is all by the bye however, for I have now decided to make this entry actually pertain to something, perhaps not directly, but rather more of a circumvention of the topic at hand. Frustrating right?

How difficult indecision confusing feelings are. At the same time how pompous am I to assume that there is even a choice to be made? Perhaps the forked road is merely a linear path and a few mirrors here and there simply to make the road much more complex than it actually is. Its never really a simple matter of a For-And-Against list or a Scaled weighing of similarities. The listening to your heart rubbish isn't very helpful either. I suppose its better not to get too bogged down by such things.

There's plenty of life to live, and love to give, so on and so forth from this moment. Optimism is not easily maintained by most in this day and age, but if you think that I'm going be a Debbie Downer or a Negative Nellie anymore, you've got another think coming! I've spent too much of my teenage years yearning and pondering, sulking and griping. I'm happy to say that the adult me is happy and here to stay. That is all.

liquid humanity
It seems as though I only post an entry when I'm feeling particularly anxious. Funnily enough I actually forget completely about this journal when I'm not completely ridden with anxiety. That makes perfect sense of course, as this is merely a cathartic outlet for said anxiety, though I can't help but feel a little sorry for the journal itself. How does it feel to exist only as a proverbial vent of angsty feelings and emotions? That can't be a meaningful life now can it, but I must not continue down that path because I fear that I'm am venturing into the dreaded territory Existential Anxiety!!

Did you hear the dramatic music?


Ah, well moving on then, I began thinking about the importance of topicality, that is, the ability to address a topic and subsequently stay on that topic. Then I began to wonder (I of course am using past tense even though this thought process is continuing throughout the course of my writing this entry, the alternative being a continued progressive tense which would have to change once I'm done pondering...which I'm not sure when that will be, I'm rambling parenthetically now...) can one stay on topic if there was never a topic established in the first place. This idea of course seems a bit silly at first glance, but consider; when one is meta-cognitively analyzing their own analysis of meta-cognition are they or are they not recursively defining their own approach to evaluation? I'll let you digest the magnitude of my previous statement whilst I try to figure out exactly what the hell I just said...

Nonsensical ramblings aside, I still wonder whether or not I have actually addressed anything pertinent in this entry? It seems to me like I've simply gone from topic to topic, but that is also not true, for I have maintained my consistent topic about topics haven't I? So unintentionally (or perhaps un-unintentionally) I have not only established a topic, but stayed on topic for the entirety of this pointless drabble.

Wait, wasn't I talking about anxiety at first...DAMMIT!

Blessed Ignorance
If it's not in my direct line of sight, I don't see it. What is peripheral vision but an inferior illusion our brain makes to accommodate the lack of true peripheral vision. (I actually lost interest in making a post about 20 words ago so anything written from here on in is just...bleh) It's strange though; the things that your brain does. After you thoroughly convince your conscious self of one thing here comes your subconscious mind to throw a wrench right into the middle of things. Terribly confusing.

I have a lot going on, and yet I still feel empty. What kind of fulfillment am I looking for? What do I need? I ask myself with an answer buried deeply in the recesses of my mind...its not exactly an easily accepted answer...It shows...weakness?

I choose to ignore, which of course isn't true ignorance, hence the reason I am not mentally sated into peace of mind. Once again, this is an awful mess of a post, and once again I am thankful that no one actual reads these thing but me, because they're awfully emo-ish attempt to be deep and insightful, even incitant (God he's so full of himself)?


Aromatic Aesthetics
We see into our soul, feel with our heart, smell and taste through our aura, and we hear...well we hear using our ears of course!

The inclusive we makes me sound a bit presumptuous however, so perhaps I should just say I and those blessed ones who choose to do so will indulge in a sweet sensory overload (although I don't approve of drug use). Such a satisfying notion to think of all the neurons firing in your brain as you exercise (well its not a muscle) it with meta-cognition and provocative thought processes. Why, it almost makes sitting down in front of a computer screen or behind a book all day seem less sedentary (okay maybe not, but it definitely has its merits). Maybe its the winter that makes getting up and out such a daunting prospect. I don't exactly mind exercising (depending on the exercise), but its something I would have to get back into the routine of. If the body is one's temple, what does that make the mind? It is a good feeling after coming back from a nice jog, sort of like completing an arduous homework assignment, or finishing the last chapter of that accursed book that was mediocre at best, but you only kept reading because...well you started it didn't you? speaking of mediocre (segue), where are all the good games at? I'm dying to sink my teeth into an RPG that's actually good, but maybe I'm being optimistic to the point of foolishness....We shall see.

Does the earth rotate on top of a spindle? No? Can you prove that it doesn't?

   Imagination, such a powerful thing isn't it? The devices of our fantasies are nothing less than extraordinary (well for most of us (although I confess that I'm losing faith in the imaginative power of our youth)) Using a double parenthetic is okay for Computer Scientists by the way...and so is punctuating statements with semi-colons; Ahem...anywho as I was saying, I am constantly amazed by people who create entire worlds and story to go along with them. I've tried, and my creations pale in comparison. Perhaps I'm not intelligent enough, or perhaps I simply lack that certain creative muse, or maybe I just haven't tried. I'm hoping its the last of the three, because otherwise I'll be depressed, not because I aspire to be a great author, it's just that...I dunno, it'd be cool if I was a good writer wouldn't it? I've been asking a lot of questions in this entry haven't I? I think I may possibly be in a contemplative mood of some sort. My heart is feeling a bit heavy and my is my soul doing? It's I'm glad no one reads this, I sound crazy in it! I haven't lost my mind though (then he finishes the sentence with the overused "I couldn't have lost something I never had in the first place!!!" or something along those lines...).

  The reason for the leakage, I think, is the fact that there are some things I'm feeling that I can't quite put in to words. Terrible right?! I actually reblogged something I found on tumblr about foreign words that have no equivalents in other languages, which leads me to the conclusion that my inability to express myself is not my fault, but due to a lack of necessary lexicographic tools within my possible lingual domain. So if how I'm feeling simply cannot be expressed in the "171,476 words in current use, and 47,156 obsolete words" of the English Language, maybe phrases of vivid imagery would work better. Too bad I'm not a poet, I know that for a fact...

   The soul leaks after some of its contents have been spilled. I try very hard to keep others dry from the murky substance within me(that sounds both suggestive and disgusting), but sometimes it can't be helped. Of course the lasting effects of soul spillage is a temporary bout of vulnerability, something I really really despise (ugh, the feel of it on my skin is downright repugnant!). Of course using the word spill implies that the divulging of the soul's contents was not entirely intended, which is usually the case when it comes to myself. Others may use words like reveal, disclose, expose or even proclaim but I'm much too secretive for anything I expose to be completely intentional.

I can't really prove that all of this is going on inside of me, just like you can't prove to me that we're not balanced on the backs of four elephants balanced on the back of a giant turtle. I suppose its all a matter of trust and belief. The reason you make yourself vulnerable is because you trust the person enough to reveal your secrets and all the crazy shit going on in your mind. I'm annoyingly obsessive, irresponsibly impulsive, incorrigibly stubborn( is that redundant?) and I jump to conclusions ( I don't have an intensifier+adjective combo for that one ( I suck));

There's a lot more going on inside my head in addition to that...Surprisingly enough I still believe I'm a pretty stable person...maybe I'm just being overly dramatic...Imagine that...

Mathematical Induction
aside: the title of this entry has absolutely nothing to do with the post itself

I digress

   I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I find the best thing for your mind when you find your thoughts running rampant is a catharsis. I used this journal back in the days when I was - for want of a better word- "emo" (imagine that...actually don't). Those days in high school when I felt the need to express myself in the form of words. At the time I felt I was being artistic, perhaps even profound. The gift of retrospect often goes hand-in-hand with embarrassment. I'd like to think I've matured ( a little) and maybe I've become a little smarter, and little more sophisticated, but if I haven't at least the fro is gone (seriously what was I thinking)!

Looking back on that last paragraph (undoubtedly riddled with grammatical/mechanical errors) I realize that perhaps I haven't...maybe I'm just as full of myself as ever. I think I am. I still think I'm smarter than I actually am (oh most definitely).

Anywho, I'm in college now, and I'm still in love with diction and rhetoric (perhaps only surpassed by my love of computers...and snack packs). Language is a powerful thing indeed and I only wish I could write half as good as the things I've seen. How fascinating is it that the perfect construction of words can incite critical thought, evoke powerful emotion and sometimes illicit physical reaction. Cool, right?

I'm actually a very simple guy. I have a lot to say, but not many people to say it to, which in turn causes this incredibly annoying inner monologue (think J.D. from Scrubs though far less amusing but just as idiotic). I write this with the knowledge that somebody may possibly give it a once over, but I'm quite certain if I saw this entry it would get a definitive tl;dr (no less than I deserve I'm sure). Hopefully the person reading this won't be someone I know...If it is, I suppose that wouldn't be so bad, I mean I putting this on the internet, so I obviously I have nothing to hide right (if only that were true...)?

p.s. I also love Rosario Dawson more than diction and rhetoric...and I still like my journal title, I haven't changed!

Past me is a funny dude.

I wonder what future me will say to 


This journal is kinda stooooopid. XD


I won't be updating this jank anymore....nobody even reads it. JAJAJAJA!

I ain't sad and emo no more, so I have no use for journal...

kthnxbai ^_^

new saying
Build a bridge....get over it...

new motto to live by!

I think that...
I'm not really sad...but I can't say I'm happy either...I'm okay I guess...

Ya know...things never quite work out the way you want....nor do they even work out the way you expect....But that doesn't necessarily mean that things don't ever work out...

Lo que paso, paso
Whatever happens, happens

A good saying...I think...

We learn to let some things go, and hold on to others...
We live life always wanting things we can't have...
We know our head is telling us one thing, the reasonable thing...but....

I suppose...things just work out for the best...
I dunno the purpose of this particular entry ^_^

I'm looking forward to starting school again, but it's sooo far away....
Ah least I have stuff to do now....
This will be a fun week I think...


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